Do you find it difficult to make friends?
I do.
It’s a task, isn’t it? Whether moving to a new city, getting into college or going to a new school, experiences begin with friends, the fun begins with friends. Having someone to talk to, someone to hang out with is of course always nice. Without it, the experience definitely is incomplete. That being said, friends don’t come easy. They don’t come readymade. They’re made over days, weeks, or months and relationships are built over years. It’s not a commodity yet that can be purchased over the internet. It takes nurturing to build friendship and trust one another. While some click at once, others are like fruits that unravel layers one after the other over a period of time. So, basically, good friends don’t come easy.
Although, at the age of going to school, the idea behind making friends doesn’t feel like a task, it’s pretty simple. To make a friend means to find a buddy, it could be the quietest kid in class, the most snobbish one or the nicer one. Even sharing a sandwich during the lunch break or lending a pencil starts a friendship. We don’t judge them by their background, their colour, their caste or traits. At that age, we’re complacent (for the good) about social exchanges and all the baggage of keeping up a conversation, being relevant, talking fun, smart things, all the pressures adulthood brings. It is a more casual experience for us then. There’s not a drip of social anxiety or loneliness. We befriend one and all we think is okay to be in the company of.
As an adult the whole definition of being alone at any point changes. If you’re doing any activity without having at least one person next to you, it can be quite shameful. Whether it is having a meal or buying a drink or studying in the common room, it is just socially unacceptable. Being by yourself while doing something literally translates to YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS.
But is it really so?
Hell no. I love being on my own, getting to do things in my comfort zone, but I don’t feel like that always. At times I’m buried under the social pressure of being caught doing things alone, but on other days I’m walking like I am comfortable in my own skin. It’s just a creation of our minds yes this loneliness, but what isn’t, of course, is the journey of an adult in a new place who’s in search of friends.
As I move to a new city for work I’m crippled under uncertainty whether I’ll be able to find the friend circle of my choice, the kind of people I’d be comfortable hanging around and how long would it actually take me to settle and be myself with them. I do want a circle that I can have spontaneous outings and house parties with. People whom I can call at 4 in the morning, people I can confide in. Of course, it’s the beginning of my work-life, but is it too much to ask if I’m hoping for it to be perfect? Will I be annoyed with the existence of the people around me or will I be forced to handle their eccentric company? (Yeah I’m kinda only pessimistic about it rn).
I have been in this situation before, it was four years back when I was moving to a new city for my college. Yes, the first year didn’t quite turn out to be the best in terms of the company I found, I was juggling between groups, I was here and there, and having no one really to call my own, but yeah, by the end of it, I can more or less say that even though I may have faced some social anxiety(which was agreeably the creation of my mind), I did find my happy place.
So I guess this is an ode to everyone who is starting afresh, this new year, with college or job or a sabbatical for that matter.
I hope we find like-minded and
unlike-minded fellas,
who cross each other’s paths
and add value in our lives.
May we stay wise, and also
add some light in other peoples lives!
Have a Happy New Year everyone!
