As a child I had a tough time dealing with darkness. Whether it was going to the washroom in the middle of the night or being the last one to go to sleep and having to turn off all the lights before going to my room. I would switch off the light and run thinking a ghost emerging from the dark would come after me.
I believe most kids feel this way from a young age, almost as if they’re born with it. Nobody tells them to feel scared of the dark(although horror movies portray this notion) but it’s just something that gets innately developed in the mind.
Since my childhood, I have matured in my relationship with darkness but occasionally it comes back to me. Having to sleep alone if my flatmate’s not there can be challenging on the third or fourth day. Walking in a deserted place alone at night would definitely make me piss my pants.
The reason I feel could be the sense of loneliness combined with uncertainty that I relate with darkness. Uncertainty about what could occur to me in the situation and how I may not be able to defend myself. Imagination comes to play when I start conceptualizing all kinds of scenarios. A thief, a murderer, a psychopath, or any kind of goon coming to attack me. It’s difficult to stop myself from coming up with such imaginations as I picture a vaguely-defined human standing in the dark waiting to pounce on me.
Although, over the years what has helped me face this struggle with darkness is seeing some form of natural movement around me. It could be leaving the curtains drawn open to see shadows of rustling leaves or headlight reflections of cars on the street on my wall. Or, it could be playing music until I feel drowsy enough to instantly fall asleep. This gives me the satisfaction of having nature around me and feel less uncertain and lonely about my situation.
On other days, I find nights beautiful. I find them playful and intriguing as everything looks different in the absence of light and maybe even more pleasing. I enjoy noticing the reflections of light and shadows around the room and experiencing the surroundings in darkness which I otherwise would never appreciate.
Hopefully, I’ll continue to find the nights mysterious and beautiful and my imagination will stop coming to fat-headed conclusions.